Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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