I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
