It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
