i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
