I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
