Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
