I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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