DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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