Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
