Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
