I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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