dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
