kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
