either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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