Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
