I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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