No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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