i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
