Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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