i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
