My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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