I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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