Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
