brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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