It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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