Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hippo gnu deer
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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