just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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