Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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