she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
