Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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