I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
