Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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