I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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