My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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