I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
