So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
