I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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