and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
