pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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