she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
