oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
