I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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