I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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