i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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