theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
