I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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