I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
