I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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