He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
