I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
