Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
