drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
