Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
