Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize