Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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