Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
