i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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