We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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