yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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