And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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