Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
