Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
