I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How naked do you want me to be?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
