Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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