This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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