She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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