Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
