Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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