doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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