Don't make out with my wife yet
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
