My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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