Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize