Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
