i jhust puked up my retainher.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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