I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
