Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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