You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
