Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
