He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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