Apparently you make a good broom.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
