Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
