you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize