girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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