I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
