He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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