Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
