We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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