she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
