i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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