Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bring me that man meat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
