she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
