Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
