I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
