just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
