I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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