Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
