i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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