woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
