I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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