there's paper in my vomit.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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