If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
