I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to calm my uterus...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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