We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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