moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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