You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
