Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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