the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
