This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize