All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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